co-ed sauna

[wonderings]

My hub loves to go to saunas to relax and unwind.......How do frum woman feel about their hubs going to co-ed saunas.The locker rooms are seprate for men and woman but the shvitz rooms itslef are mixed..As far as I know men and woman go almost naked or naked in these establishments.....If I tell my hub anything he will say it is non of my business...and too bad I just feel insecure with him seeing these woman,...WOMAN how would u deal with such an issue?For men wondering y I have a problem with this.1.I beleive being in such an environment lessens a mans yiras shamayim....2.YES, I am insecure about him seeing naked beautiful woman in their buff.......I feel that his exposure to bodies which have never given birth to kids makes him appreciate my body less.

[S]

None of your business? I disagree! (I'm a guy, by the way).

On a whole bunch of levels, what he's doing is wrong - from a frum level, the issues are obvious, and not just in a "lessening yiras shamayim" way - it's totally assur, in the worst way!

On a relationship level, it's completely crazy - firstly, like you said, he's going somewhere he'll be seeing lots of naked women, never a good idea. Even if he sees you as the most beautiful person in the world, you can't match everyone there - simply because you're only one woman! As a basic example, you can be both a blonde, and a brunette.

Aside from that, I'd be worried about why he's going there, who he's meeting, and what he's doing. If he feels that this is none of your business, you should suggest couples therapy. If he refuses, then you need to decide whether this is a relationship you want to be in!

[just my opinion again]

Hello there,
first of all, just to make you feel a little better usually the mixed spas there’s no such a thing as walking around naked, only in the separate sections or separate spas.(and i go alooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooott to these places.
and second the real nice bodies never show up to these places just the opposite only those that are far from perfect.

and as far as him seeing another woman i don’t think that with you trying to convince him not to go there because of it, will change him he has plenty where to see them
AND when he sees them in clothes he cant see their extra trunk, bad skin, pimples, birthmarks, stretch marks, cellulite, etc. etc. etc. there for i think you should rather focus on making sure you look good for him, so that when he does see or thinks he sees someone that excites him he should know that he has the same or better right next to him.
(except of course if you/ or for those that are feminists that would just be a wrong thing to say because really the DH should be the one that makes sure he looks good for you)
there’s so much more to write about this im just tiered

[416/905]

Don't assume they go naked, most people don't in a co-ed sauna. If you know where the sauna is, google it, and also phone the sauna and ask the staff what the protocol is, whether you would be ''allowed'' to go nude. If nobody is allowed, then that's already one good thing. (Not that it's ok for him to go, just saying - at least they're not NAKED naked).

Or (this is what I would do), one day GO to the sauna yourself and see. If you are comfortable go in a tichel and short-sleeve t-shirt and knee-length skirt with a towel wrapped around hiding your skirt so it doesn't look TOO weird (most women will be wearing towels, I assume). And see for yourself how the people are acting! You can even later tell DH you enjoyed that sauna, and that you'd like to go again to 'relax', and see his reaction. If he's happy for you and says go ahead, then you probably have nothing to worry about.

[a man]

Hi, I am a man, a man who would like nothing better to go to such a sauna, but i can still tell you...you are spot on.
You are being very honest, and correct in both of your reasons, it would effect me spiritually and how i look at my wife...and can only lead to more.
If you have a genuine concern..which this is...and he will tell you to mind your own business...sound like you have some bigger issues.

Best of luck

[justaman]

As a man who goes every morning to a co-ed gym to work out i can tell you that more than his yiras shamayim is at work. a man in a co ed gym is like a kid in a candy store! be very careful.

[susan]

hi wonderings, you have a problem in your marriage that you are trying not to deal with. Its a big one. Your husband is de-valueing you on a regular basis. From the way he speaks to you to his actions(going where ever the xxxx he feels like) no matter how you feel about it. Take it from me, one day you will have to deal with this and its the best thing to finally do it!! You are a precious person who needs to be treated with a lotta dignity, respect, and consideration or you will loose your self esteem. If your kids see you being treated like this it is clearly permission for your sons to find a girl to marry that they can trash and your girls will seek husbands who are capable and willing to trash them. Please stand up for yourself!

[Telly]

[quote="wonderings"] I beleive being in such an environment lessens a mans yiras shamayim....

Sorry to inform you but your DH doesn't have too much yiras shamayim to begin with if he goes to co-ed saunas. There ain't much you can do if he is insenitive to your feelings. Try having someone speak to him about it.

[guest104104]

wonderings...YOU ARE 100% right!! dont think you are crazy for feeling that way...your husband should definitely not be exposed to that..and I am a man.

[guest00]

Why don't you go with him once and check it out for yourself? (I'm sure that you can find something to wear that would be tzniusdik-enough.) After you've actually seen it, dh may have more respect for your appraisal of the situation.

[wonderings]

whoa!Whoa! Thanks to all in the Calm Kallahs support grp.It feels great to have my feelings validated.My hub usually invalidates my feelings by saying"you always blow things outr of proportion."Thanks again for ur support!

[CKCS]

I'd be more concerned about his overall attitude towards you, manner in which he speaks to you, and his respect for you in general - than the fact that he sweats in a sauna.....