Orgasm through clit..advise on DH helping out!

[Man's Help?]

I've been married a little over a year and have had a great sex life. Sex feels good from the G-Spot, but I never actually knew if I orgasmed. DH & I have tried stimulating the clit with our fingers (we won't use oral b/c of halachic reasons) and it never really did anything for me. Last month, I tried touching my clit during sex on a whim, and WWOOWW!! I didn't even know what I did differently but I KNEW it felt differently than any other time before.
Since then, I've figured out how I touched it to orgasm, but Now.. I want to get DH to do that to me! Is it even possible for him to stimulate me during sex if he's focusing on his own orgasm? Also, he says he orgasms very quickly from the time he's inside me, and mine took longer. Should the manual stimulation begin before he enters me? I'd love to hear advice from people who have mastered this.. and if not mastered orgasm at the same time during sex, just DH being able to make DW come on his own (without her having to do the work!)

[advice number 1]

You just have to say for dh that you figured out how to orgasm and from now on you want it this way.

For the second problem that he orgasm before you, tell him that when he is in you instead of moving in and out he should just lay on you for 10 min and while he's laying on you he should touch you the way you like and when you orgasm than he should start to move in and out.

If you don't mind (and if its allowed here) I would like to hear a little of your experience how you do it to enjoy the most. Me and dw are trying out every time a different spot and she never orgasm to much. Maybe with your experience you'll be able to help out another couple.

Tnx in advance

[Guest]

you have to stimulate yourself psycologically first, this how it works by women. and then hopefully all the intimate cuddles will make you ready and be able to orgasm in harmony.
Now how do you stimulate yourself psycologically? by preparing yourself to look sexy for dh (make up, sexy nightwears etc...), by reading some of the threads of this websites that will teach you information you never knew, maybe try a bit of wine (one inch) to make you feel high but if you usually like alcohol, don't start! you will drink too much and spoil the whole thing. Turn on your husband with feminin manners, you know what i mean...
Good luck! and let us know what works best.

[random guy]

[quote="Man's Help?"]Is it even possible for him to stimulate me during sex if he's focusing on his own orgasm? Also, he says he orgasms very quickly from the time he's inside me, and mine took longer. Should the manual stimulation begin before he enters me? I'd love to hear advice from people who have mastered this.. and if not mastered orgasm at the same time during sex, just DH being able to make DW come on his own (without her having to do the work!)[/quote]

If you would walk over to a woman in the street and start stimulating her clit it wouldn't bring her much pleasure, (don't try to do it) in order for the stimulation to be pleasurable she has to be aroused beforehand. That's why when you tried it in the past you didn't feel anything major, but when you tried it in the middle of sex it blew you away.

On average it takes for a woman much longer to reach orgasm, that's why foreplay is so important. Tell your husband not to enter you right away, play around, kiss, touch, let him play with your breasts and that should set the mood. Once you're moist and well lubricated he can start stimulating your clit, and when you're almost there he can enter you.

Another thing is that most men don't naturally know how to last for too long, it's much easier just to let go, but with a little bit work and effort he can master how to control himself to last longer.

P.S. Let your husband ask his Rav, or call one anonymously about oral stimulation, in my case, my rav told me that if the wife wants it, it is permissible.

[guest100]

random guy, if you don't mind sharing, who is your rabbi?

[ANM]

Second that, can you share who the Rav is?

[random guy]

[quote="guest100"]random guy, if you don't mind sharing, who is your rabbi?[/quote]

Telling you who my Rabbi is will tell you where I'm from and where I belong to, I'm enjoying my anonymity here too much to give it up like this. What I can tell is, that he's not a liberal rav at all, fairly conservative for that matter.

Ask your rav, or anonymously over the phone, nothing to be scared of.

[Man's Help?]

This is the OP here for an update!!
Ok, so first comments to the responses here...

[quote="Guest"]you have to stimulate yourself psycologically first, this how it works by women. and then hopefully all the intimate cuddles will make you ready and be able to orgasm in harmony.
Now how do you stimulate yourself psycologically? by preparing yourself to look sexy for dh (make up, sexy nightwears etc...), by reading some of the threads of this websites that will teach you information you never knew, maybe try a bit of wine (one inch) to make you feel high but if you usually like alcohol, don't start! you will drink too much and spoil the whole thing. Turn on your husband with feminin manners, you know what i mean...
Good luck! and let us know what works best.[/quote]

"Guest"...So I do all of the above (except for drinking, that does nothing for me or dh). I have plenty of lingerie and dh LOVES it. He's hard before I even get into bed! And the cuddles and foreplay do get me going.

[quote="random guy"]If you would walk over to a woman in the street and start stimulating her clit it wouldn't bring her much pleasure, (don't try to do it) in order for the stimulation to be pleasurable she has to be aroused beforehand. That's why when you tried it in the past you didn't feel anything major, but when you tried it in the middle of sex it blew you away.

On average it takes for a woman much longer to reach orgasm, that's why foreplay is so important. Tell your husband not to enter you right away, play around, kiss, touch, let him play with your breasts and that should set the mood. Once you're moist and well lubricated he can start stimulating your clit, and when you're almost there he can enter you.[/quote]

"Random Guy"...We do have plenty of foreplay before sex. I think the reason why stimulating the clit didn't work when we tried in the past is simply b/c we weren't doing it the right way! (Before we were just touching it but not moving our fingers on the clit fast enough and for long enough to get me there)

[quote="random guy]Ask your rav, or anonymously over the phone, nothing to be scared of.[/quote]

"Random Guy"...I beg to differ.. that's a very uncomfortable thing to bring up to a Rav, ESPECIALLY one that knows you!!

[quote="advice number 1"]You just have to say for dh that you figured out how to orgasm and from now on you want it this way.

For the second problem that he orgasm before you, tell him that when he is in you instead of moving in and out he should just lay on you for 10 min and while he's laying on you he should touch you the way you like and when you orgasm than he should start to move in and out.

If you don't mind (and if its allowed here) I would like to hear a little of your experience how you do it to enjoy the most. Me and dw are trying out every time a different spot and she never orgasm to much. Maybe with your experience you'll be able to help out another couple.

Tnx in advance[/quote]

Ok, now to answer you, "advice number 1", we've figured it out and it's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! We decided to stimulate me before he gets inside mean & actually start sex, so it's the last foreplay before sex. What we did at first was I felt for the right place, then stuck his finger(s) there and moved his fingers, with mine on top so that he was stimulating the right place. The key is to have lube on your hands and move your fingers over the clit really quickly,continuously, until it gets dw into the right place!

The first few times it didn't always work right away. Some times I had him feel for the clit himself, he didn't always get it, so then I again found the right place and moved his fingers with me. Eventually he was able to find it on his own and get me to orgasm without my help. He still doesn't always know if he's in the right spot at first, if I see after a little but it's not "doing it for me" I'll say something, or redirect his hands. If not, he'll see pretty quickly by my reaction that BINGO HE'S HIT THE JACKPOT! :-)

So my advice for ppl who are in this situation is to have dw find the spot on her own. I tried in one day on my own and got myself to that orgasm, then I was able to know how it worked best for me and was able to direct dh from there. You both have to be open about it and talk each other through it the whole way. Now, we both win b/c dh is happy he can get me there and i'm happy he can get me there too :-) NOW, I can't believe what I've been missing our whole 1st year of marriage!!!

[stamAguy]

BH thats good news
hatzlocho

[almost not newlyweds anymore]

We've been married for almost a year and i've never had a "happy ending". everytime, sex feels great and the passion is amazing and DH goes for a reallly long time. Even with all those things, the moment still hasnt come for me. Every post i've been reading says that the wife should try it herself first and come to orgasm and then tell her husband what to do to her to make it happen, but everytime i try that i feel good but in the back of my mind i'm thinking, " i cant believe im playing with myself" or "i wish i was doing this with my husband".
What do i do now?

[stamAguy]

if at first you dont succeed try try again.
also try having some wine to cloud youjr mind a little

[Man's Help?]

[quote="almost not newlyweds anymore"]We've been married for almost a year and i've never had a "happy ending". everytime, sex feels great and the passion is amazing and DH goes for a reallly long time. Even with all those things, the moment still hasnt come for me. Every post i've been reading says that the wife should try it herself first and come to orgasm and then tell her husband what to do to her to make it happen, but everytime i try that i feel good but in the back of my mind i'm thinking, " i cant believe im playing with myself" or "i wish i was doing this with my husband".
What do i do now?[/quote]

Being the OP here and having gone through almost the same thing as you, I'll tell you how I felt when I trying it on myself. At first I felt the same way as you did. But then I altered my thinking to "this is for an ultimate goal, so that I can get dh to do this to me & I can finally experience that pleasure that he gets each time!..I'm not just playing with myself..once I figure this out,I won't have to do it to myself b/c hubbie will do it to me from here on!" And that's what happened.

Since then, I've figured out what works best for me on my own and then I was able to guide him and really tell him what to do and how to do it best to me... b/c let's face it, dh has no clue what he's doing down there if you don't tell him.. and YOU don't have a clue what to tell him until you know what actually works for you!! Try masturbating again, with this new frame of mind and see how it goes. I'd love to hear an update and see if it helped! Good luck & try the techniques I said worked for me, to see if it can get yourself there,too. As long as dh is willing to try and work on it with you, you should be able to get there. IT'S WORTH THE EFFORT, BELIEVE ME!! :-)

[Guest]

[quote="almost not newlyweds anymore"]We've been married for almost a year and i've never had a "happy ending". everytime, sex feels great and the passion is amazing and DH goes for a reallly long time. Even with all those things, the moment still hasnt come for me. Every post i've been reading says that the wife should try it herself first and come to orgasm and then tell her husband what to do to her to make it happen, but everytime i try that i feel good but in the back of my mind i'm thinking, " i cant believe im playing with myself" or "i wish i was doing this with my husband".
What do i do now?[/quote]

3 possible solutions (in no particular order):
#1: Think of it as a necessary investment that will help you both reap the rewards later.
#2: Do what you are doing, but while your husband is there. (Take it from a man, watching you turn yourself on will TURN HIM ON.) (You can explain to him why you are doing it.)
#3: Buy a wand massager and let the both of you use it on you. (You can buy one in any large chain pharmacy or online. They are innocuously kept on the regular shelves as they are marketed as back massagers or tired-muscle massagers.)

Examples:
http://www.google.com/products?q=wand+massager

The Hitachi is supposed to be the best, but we have always been more than satisfied with cheaper brands (e.g., Dr. Scholls, Healthometer). The ones we've have been rechargeable but could also be used while plugged in.

[almost not newlyweds anymore]

Thanks for the great advice! Question for the OP: Did you use anything to help you or just your fingers? Did you get emotionally ready like put on lingerie or turn off the lights? I feel so weird because i never did this as a teenager, so it's weird thinking that i need to do this now that im married lol.
Although this isn't hurting our marriage, i would love to feel what everyone claims to be as amazing! Maybe it's because I'm still really young, but it's def. a missing piece that i'd like to solve. My DH can help stimulate me for a long time and it feels good, but then nothing happens and its so dissapointing for him because he wants me to feel as good as he does.

[Married_a_long_time]

[quote="Guest] The Hitachi is supposed to be the best, but we have always been more than satisfied with cheaper brands (e.g., Dr. Scholls, Healthometer). The ones we've have been rechargeable but could also be used while plugged in.[/quote]

DH always says that these are too strong for her -- that the vibrations are too intense. Maybe I should plug it into a dimmer? <g>