trying not to sin

[happyman]

I do like the response from the quest, he is being very cautious. It is good to think this way. If I wouldn’t know myself, I might have though this way too. However, I have a responsibility to stay clean in the eyes of Hashem and of people. Thus, I want to make it clear that I do not look for any relationship with anyone on this site or any other site, besides being helpful to them. I am B”H happily married with 4 beautiful children. I am dealing a lot with women clients one on one and it never came to any overly close friendship besides helping them. In fact, when I started doing my internship, my faculty supervisor suggested that I go into a hospital where I will be working with teenage boys and girls and with adult men and women. She said that for me it will not be as hard as for others that interned there before me because I am not so young and I am strong with what I believe in. besides that if you see me you wouldn’t think that I am talking to women too. But we constantly have to take stock of ourselves and make sure that our boundaries are still strong enough. As the Mishna says, “you shouldn’t believe in yourself till the day of your death. I hope that I will be successful in helping my clients. I do not look to be the biggest therapist, but I do want to have a very high success rate. So far I do B”H very well. Faigy, I will email to marla my info and you should ask her for it. In any case, if you will be a bit patient you will be able to contact me through my web site B’EZ”H. I am in the process of opening a web site. I hope things are getting a bit easier for you. If I would be your therapist I might have started to think of working on you trying to bring your husband more into your life. However, since you aren’t my official client (yet lol) I will not push, even if you would have been my client I wouldn’t push but I would encourage you to explore the possibilities. Hatzloch Raboh!

[Cautious]

Guestfaigy - you are clearly trying to fill a void in your marriage, and would do better by discussing with your husband what you need, rather than emailing another man privately - because that puts you at risk of becoming attached to a stranger again. I don't know whether or not happyman is questionable, but by keeping your communications public, that won't matter.

[guestfaigy]

Gut voch!!
Yes, maybe there is a void...........but try as i may, DH wont fill it like i wish. So I must accept as it is & go on in life as I have. Happyman............I dont know how to give u my email. I certainly wont post it here in public!!! I accept happymans statement that he means no ill but wants to contact me in a proffesional way. I can live with that.

[GYE]

Reading in on the many accounts here, I deeply feel for you guys. Once we start up a relationship, it can be so difficult to break off. For some of us, it may cost our marriage, our families, and sometimes even more than that.

Because many of you express a genuine interest in breaking away from this kind of living, I may recommend a forum for frum sex addicts (www.rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum) in the process of recovery. Though it's not visible to the public (and men), there is a private forum dedicated to women only. There, aside from the guidance that they provide, you can get the greatest support from people going through recovery!

[Tzvi]

I have been following this thread from the beginning, and feel its its time to add my two cents.

Faigy, its seems that you are looking for another inappropriate, possibly dangerous cyber-relationship, whether you realize it or not.If thats what you want, none of us can stop you.

Im not sure whether Happyman, is for real or not. If he is , then why cant he post a website address, and office phone number. I am sure that many CK-readers could benefit from his services. If he is just an amateur, getting his jollys by pretending to be a therapist, all I can say is that he wont get more Olam Haba for playing with FaIgy's head.

My advise, is find someone who isnt hiding behind anonymity and check his credentials. If you need help, I suggest you call Lakewood Bais Horaah at (732) 905-9992 or (877) 451-2021. Anyone who answers the phone is more then qualified to help you.

[Spiderman]

i have been reading this thread for weeks and I think that there is something beyond the OP looking for additional relationships online. From reading the OPs responses, she responds like someone on the Brady Bunch - very flowery and innocent like. (Many many people gave the same advice and unless it was stated a certain almost nebach way she ignored it) I don't mean to be harsh, but if you are for real, i think you (OP) need to see that you have self worth and that it does not depend on anyone (a DL or therapist) to make you feel fulfilled. If you surf this site you will see that many people are in relationships that are far from perfect or 'fulfilling', but people MAKE their marriage work and have Shalom Bayit by working with what they have. Your husband may not be everything you wish, but you need to make your life fulfilled with what you have!

[guestfaigy]

Tzvi.............im really not looking for another relationship!!!! Happyman offerd his help. I dont want to start with therapists but his offer seems inoccent enough. If i feel its moving in the wrong direction..............i stop!!! Im mature to know when to stop. Spiderman.........unfortunatly, in our community, if someone knows how to write, they r suspect. I happen to be a gd writer. Ive written articles in our newspapers & magazines. I am working very hard to appreciate my DH better . And to look at the positive thngs he has. It still doesnt satisfy my inner cravings...............but it must do. No one is perfect. Im just still trying to get over the void that leaving my lover has left me with. Including the hope that someday it would bring us to passionate love.

[Guest]

[quote="guestfaigy"]Tzvi.............im really not looking for another relationship!!!! Happyman offerd his help. I dont want to start with therapists but his offer seems inoccent enough. If i feel its moving in the wrong direction..............i stop!!! Im mature to know when to stop. Spiderman.........unfortunatly, in our community, if someone knows how to write, they r suspect. I happen to be a gd writer. Ive written articles in our newspapers & magazines. I am working very hard to appreciate my DH better . And to look at the positive thngs he has. It still doesnt satisfy my inner cravings...............but it must do. No one is perfect. Im just still trying to get over the void that leaving my lover has left me with. Including the hope that someday it would bring us to passionate love.[/quote]

Im really not trying to insult you.. But, you write adequately, enough to get by in your community. Your writing isnt on such a level, as to be suspect.. As for passionate love, read a Harlequin Romance novel, agav, you will also see what really good writing is.. LOL..

In the meantime, if your husband isnt abusive, and cares about you, count your blessings... Hatzlacha..

[guestfaigy]

Really GUEST............Ive never done anythng wrong to u that u belittle me in public!!! Im not expected to write posts on calmkallah with the same tact & grammer as I would write an article for publication!!! My friend.............this is not a novel!! (although its slowly starting to resemble one with all the diff outlooks in life!!!) Stick to the subject on hand. I wasnt seeking critique!!!!

[Agree]

Actually, Faigy, please don't take offense, but it is interesting that you claim to be a good writer, when I find it very difficult to understand your posts. The only reason I am even bringing this up, is because perhaps in general you tend to live in a bit of a fantasy world, and that is what gets you in trouble in the first place when it comes to fantastical online relationships.

One tip - you may want to try fewer !!! or leaving them out altogether.

[SURPRISED]

I HAVE BEEN READING ALL THESE POSTS AND AM VERY SURPRISED.IT SEEMS,THAT MOST WOMAN WHO WERE CAUGHT UP IN ONLINE AND REAL AFFAIRS DON'T REALIZE THE SIN AGAINST GOD.YES,MOST REALIZE THE SIN AGAINST SPOUSE,BUT ,DO YOU WOMAN HAVE AN INKLING ABOUT THE SIN AGAINST GOD?WHY ARE MOST OF YOU SO CAREFUL WITH THE LAWS OF TSNIUS,BUT DON'T REALIZE THAT BY CHATTING ONLINE YOU ARE BEHAVING LIKE PROSTITUTES ,TRYING TO GET THE ATTENTION OF MEN AND TURNING THEM ON.

[Guest]

i understand you sooooo much! i had nearly the same nisoyon, and then i had siyata dishmaya and went on therapy with dh to boost up our love for each other, true exciting love can start at any stage in marriage, cherish what you have and think of the consequences if.... You still have chances to fall in love with your own husband, you need to find professional help to help you achieve that. i can assure you it can really happen, and then you will be able to build further with infinite love. Be resposible, i felt the same as you, cry to hashem and show him how frustrated you are with your husband, I promise you, He will find a solution coming from nowhere for you. He manages worse things than that in this world. I know it's hard but the same way this maasse satan came, the same way it will leave you at the end of the day. who knows you will be happier with him after the bedroom... you might just want someone ese afterwards. tIt all boils down to this forbidden fruit it is soooo tasteful,!!!!!!!!! seek for chizuk in ruchnius and start a new life with dh. make things exciting for you and him (sexy nightwears, dance with music on once kids are in bed, go for a break without the kids, you will feel refreshed, buy yourself good clothing that fit you well, bekitsur treat yourself like kalloh ad dh like a chosson. often after sometimes the woman wakes up from a long libido-coma and feelings are hard to handle and we want something strongly exciting. Just make it happen with dh, it's never vtoo late, i promiss you. hatsolocho and i really feel for you!!!

[Guest]

also i forgot to mention, be careful if you decide to break up with lover, you don't want him to denounciate you to your husband because you are not going down his path. be smart about it, he could just ruin your life if he really wants you because knowing you are married that is really not menchellech to start with you, please don't be naive and channel your feelings to the right person, you won't regret, your husband needs someone like you to develop his men skills. they are not all born with a seduction pack, you will need to work together to find what you like.

[guestfaigy]

Dear Guest
I havent been here for a while as Im trying to ween myself offline. And dealing with the issues of my heart i.e my DH and dear lover. Ur letter was so heartfelt & gave me a real boost. Only someone who has ridden that rollercoaster can advice & feel the others emotions! thnk u thnk u!! from the bottom of my heart. The previous poster about us being prostitutes..........well, what is Mr. Kodesh doing in this room? But ur words warmed me. Im still working on this. DH is not going to be an easy project. Hard to make a man more sexual or passionate. But we're trying. My lover is a real mench & has not made any problems. Love u all!!!
F

[lovetochat]

A lot of therapists take insurance so money woudnt be a issue for you
And you can explain to your dh that u feel like the marriage needs a boost
And that u feel that you can benefit from therepy and u'll have private sessions you'll discuss your issue your having your dh doesn't have to know and when you'll have a double session with the two of you ull work on getting the marriage better and u won't discuss the issue you're having in front of him