My five year old comes in our room every night

[George Mitchell]

Our five year old daughter comes into our bedroom every night.She claims to have had a scary dream evry night, but I'm sure that is not the case.What have other parents done, short of locking their door, to prevent this from happening?

[Mrs.Kollel]

I have a 5 year old daughter as well and first and foremost, my daughter knows that no matter what time of day, she must knock.

Secondly, whether there is a bad dream involved or not, the issue boils down to her feeling safer in your room. Therefore, you can try making her room feel as safe as possible. For example, a night light (or lamp if that's not enough). A favorite blanket. A favorite toy/book/doll in bed with her, etc.

Lastly, when she does come in, have a set routine for getting her back into bed. For my daughter, as long as we walk her back to her bed and tuck her back in, she has no problem going right back to sleep. For everyone it would be different. Maybe your daughter will only go back to bed if you agree to sit with her for a bit. Or maybe only if she gets a drink first. But the point is to get her to understand that either way, she is going right back into her bed. Obviously, sometimes we cave and let her lay down with us for a minute, but when she learns that she can come in and sleep with you guys, she will be in there every night.

Good Luck!

[George Mitchell]

Thanks for your reply, Mrs. Kollel.

We have, on occasion walked her back to her room, and she does go back to sleep there.However, sometimes she will slip into the room and get into bed beside my wife or myself, and we don't know about it until we discover her us next to us.She does not knock, and if she did, that would only wake us up, which I do not enjoy !!!

[aagysmamn]

Thanks for your reply, Mrs. Kollel.

We have, on occasion walked her back to her room, and she does go back to sleep there.However, sometimes she will slip into the room and get into bed beside my wife or myself, and we don't know about it until we discover her us next to us.She does not knock, and if she did, that would only wake us up, which I do not enjoy !!!

I guess its the age our 5 year old comes in a lot too. We have trained her to knock but she doesnt always. Many times she just gets into our bed without waking us.

[random guy]

If your room is not locked aren't you sacred of her walking in on the act? just imagine hey mommy, why are you breast feeding tatty?

[aagysmamn]

If your room is not locked aren't you sacred of her walking in on the act? just imagine hey mommy, why are you breast feeding tatty?

Well since the house we are renting has no locks on the bedroom door there isnt much of a choice as for walking in during the act read the "embarassing moments" thread sometime :)

[tm]

I would love help with this to. I feel like my kids have these phases (6 and 3 and a 5 month old). Sometimes they go weeks without coming into our bedroom and sometimes they are constantly coming in. Usually between midnight and 3 am. Most times I do not even realize they came in until I wake up in the morning.

The nights I do realize, if I move the 3 year old back to his rooom he wil scream his head off and I do not want the 5 month old to wake up..HELP!!

[Spiderman]

Here is what we have done with my kids. I have 2 older boys (almost 13 and another who is 10) who BH sleep in their beds all night - lol
My almost 3 year old son and my 5 year old daughter have at times (on and off, sometimes a lot, sometimes infrequently) have joined us in our bed. What we have done is:
With my son, I will go into his room and rock him back to sleep. (I hold him and we have a rocking glider chair in his room). It may take some time and he may cry for mommy, but TATI-MAN calms him down and almost all the time he goes back into his crib without a problem.
With my daughter, about a year or 2 ago, it got to be she was sleeping in our bed almost every night and we were exasperated! What we do now is, if she wakes up, I (not mommy) will lay down with her for a bit in her bed and then she goes back to sleep. Now, she sleeps with a stuffed animal that i think also helps her.

The other thing we do which I am sure is what solved the problem finally is we bribe them. The mornings they woke up in our bed, we would talk to them about what happened and then say, "if you sleep in your bed all night tonight like a big boy/girl, we will..". then we give the same schmooze before bed to them and it usually works. I may have had to come into their room in the middle of the night, but i remind them (this is with my daughter, my youngest son is still too little to understand) about the deal and they will ask if I could lay down with them for a bit - which is OK and then in about 5 minutes I am OK to return to my bed. Within a week, they did not come in anymore - unless they were sick. And yes, we always lived up to our end of the deal/bribe - lol
Good Luck!

[SoccerMom]

Our 2.5 year old daughter just won't go to sleep.

It is driving us nuts. We put her in the crib, she comes out. We put her in her bed, she comes out. Nothing we have done works.

Any suggestions would be really appreciated!

[Spiderman]

I have 3 suggestions:
1. Bribing may work.
2. Years ago I read an article that has worked on my children sometimes. What you do is, lay them down in their bed, but do not cover them. What you basically do is relax them. You start by saying to them how tired their feet are from all the running around they do. (You can massage them lightly if you wish). then you work up their legs saying how their legs are tired from holding them up, their arms from throwing things, etc. but it has to be slow and you must talk very calm and soothing. It kind of bores them to sleep.
3. While they are lying down, lightly run your fingers down their forehead towards their eyes. It is very relaxing.

[klyaksa]

To the original poster:

The same thing happened with my oldest daughter, who is now 5. When she was about 4yo, she started coming to our bedroom almost every night. Talking to her about it was pointless and walking her back to her room was no realistis. My husband ended up going to her room (she has a twin-size bed) and spending the rest of the night there while my daughter slept with me. What worked for us was a simple sticker chart (a piece of construction paper that I made into a graph with 25-30 squares). Basically we told our daughter that she would get a sticker on the chart for every night she slept in her room. If she came to us at night, she would sleep with me as before but would not get a sticker. Once the chart was filled up, she would get a gift she really wanted (for her, it was a kids' digital camera - ~$50). For your child it may be something else, another toy, an activity, etc. But a five-year-old should definitely be mature enough to be able to delay gratification enough to watch the stickers accumulate on a reward chart. Good luck!!

[Guest]

With my kids (and I've got a bunch of them) I occasionally allow them to sleep in my room. floor only. they are fine with that. Then other times ;-) I just tell them sorry, not tonight. after a little bit of whining they are ok with it cause they know my yes is yes and my no is NO, it's not worth it to them to tantrum if they're going to lose anyway. They may bargain for a drink, a stay with me, a living room or other bedroom floor, or a light on, which is fine bargaining is a good skill for them to learn. worst I ever had was my son who bargained me into sleeping right outside the door to my room. I stepped on him in the morning when I went out. talk about rude awakenings. last time he tried that one!