Q: My fiancé and I aren’t planning to see each other for a week before the wedding, but a lot of my friends are saying we should have pictures taken together before the ceremony anyway. What do you think we should do? Does it really take so long afterwards?

A: Setting aside religious issues for the moment, I would recommend without a single hesitation that you do as many pictures as possible beforehand. It takes FOREVER to do all of the “together shots” afterwards; usually you want to do one or two pictures after the ceremony (with the wedding bands showing, etc.), but I'd recommend doing the bulk of the photos before. Trust me, it is not pleasant to be a guest at a wedding where there’s over an hour of a delay between the chuppah and dancing because the key players have to go have their pictures taken again. It really throws off the whole timing of the rest of the celebration and adds a level of stress that really is not necessary.

Also, allow at least an extra 30 minutes more for the pre-wedding pictures than you expect them to take. I don't remember a single wedding where the pre-wedding photos didn't run considerably longer than expected causing the families and bridal party to miss a large chunk of the shmorg and greeting guests; further, to keep to the schedule, you have to rush Kabbalat panim or delay the whole thing (which means requiring extra time of the band if you want the full time for the party). So I heartily recommend telling your photographer you want to start 30 minutes earlier than he recommends- and if you're not ready, he can always start with the groom and his buddies since odds are he'll be ready pretty fast. (no make up, quick hair, etc.)

And finally, to combat that myth that the bedekin is “just so much more special” if you haven’t seen your groom in a week: it simply isn’t true. When you’re sitting in your sweetheart chair, waiting for the groom, surrounded by your friends and family, and suddenly you hear the music and the crowd begins to part for the men coming through, with your beloved at the front of the pack – do you really think that having seen him in the mechanical setting of picture-taking can diminish the moment? It just isn’t true, I can assure you.

For the religious side of the issue, you must speak to your mesader kiddushin, or officiating Rabbi. Many rabbis are saying it’s a nice tradition, but not mandatory, and putting a huge strain on your guests while you take pictures after the ceremony isn’t very nice.